INPUT: UNREGISTERED ACCESS; INITIATE SALUTATION PROTOCOL: ASSESSING CHRONO-LOCALE; TARGET ANTIQUITY CALENDAR DATE APPROX. MID-21ST CENTURY. OUTPUT: GR337NG5/7R@V3L3R/!/Y0U/H@V3/@CC3553D/TH3/5N07/R0CK/B07/M3D1@/R3P05170RY/./TH15/UN17/H0P35 Y0U 3NJ0Y BR0W51NG/!/ SALUTATION ISSUED; POWERING DOWN.

000. NEW USER TUTORIAL

An introduction of sorts. Please read this user manual before activating the product.

026. If My Girlfriend’s Dad Ever Gives Me The Aux

Yet another attempt to convince certain people I’m cool through playlisting.

025. Never Play for Girlfriend’s Dad

Self-explanatory.

024. New Flooring

Same Show, Post-Radio

023. Patriotism Schism

Sure, I’m a patriot—I’m just the crotchety “Farm Aid” kind.

022. Juice on the Floor

In case anyone cares how my old college radio shows sounded.

021. Sensitivity Training Montage

For the sweeter punks.

020. Supersonic CMC

After-Party Soundtrack

019. Leonard’s Mess Hall

A tribute to the king of the summer camp dining hall.

018. 14IN08

An adolescent musical memoir.

017. OMI-CHRON KENOBI

2022 Listening Mix. Shuffle liberally. Guaranteed to alleviate any and all symptoms of malaise or your money back.*

016. CAPITOL RIOT DJ SET (2021)

2021 listening mix, best served shuffled. Let’s see how much worse things can get.

015. STANLEY YELNATS, TRUCK THIEF (SPRING 2021)

Supplemented film soundtrack for the inevitable reboot—possibly directed by a Kevin Smith or Linklater type.

014. CHUCK W. TRAVELS (2021)

In search of America. Gotta stop so the dog can pee, though.

013. SDTV & BEER BRATS (SPRING 2021)

God dammit, the coals won’t light. Grab me another Bud, will ya, son?

012. BUBBLEGUM STUCK IN THE GEARS (WINTER 2020)

“Oh god, it’s everywhere! What did you do?! It’s gonna take me forever to get the Snot Rocket mech suit operational again! I hope you’re happy!”

011. CAMP MIKE (WINTER 2020)

Welcome to the School of Blues-Rock. Dewey Finn couldn’t make it, so we got Michael Miles to teach adjunct. This is the course syllabus. The final’s not curved—it’s bent like a string.

010. STEM CELLS FOR POTUS (2020)

2020 listening mix, started under early shelter-in-place order. “A genre-spurning mega-mix sicker than everyone on earth’s gonna be.”

009. FIREWORK THE HORSES (FORWARD INTO FUCKALL 2) (FALL 2020)

A whiskey-fueled shuffle bomb.

008. ULTIMATE SANDCASTLE (SUMMER 2020)

For all my former college kids.

007. CEASE & DESIST (SUMMER 2020)

Whatever you do, don’t panic. the Power Pop girls are on their way to save the day.

006. A DECADE IN SPACE: 2010s FAVORITES (WINTER 2019)

The formative listening years of a bona fide schmuck.

005. EL GRUPO (SUMMER-FALL 2019)

A funky mix for friends and fun.

004. PILGRIM SHIT (SPRING 2019)

Alternative film soundtrack for all you lesbians out there. Melodic garage and punk deep cuts designed for fighting.

003. THE UNMISTAKABLE STENCH OF ATOMIC HOLOCAUST (FALL – WINTER 2018)

All the noise, noise, noise, noise. When the fallout hits, don’t come cryin’ to me.

002. IVY DYE DAY (FALL 2018)

The sounds of hitting the chromatic fabric beaches. Psych rock classics and their modern descendants.

001. SPASTIC: THE GATHERING (WINTER 2017)

Eleventieth Birthday Party mix. Alternative Dad Rock gems with a few deeper cuts.